Maybe (Complete)
by I hate the snow
Summary: Rick had a long, horrible day at work, and wanted to find comfort in his home. When that wasn't going to happen, he went for a drive which may change his life. Maybe.
1. A new face

Rick Grimes just got home after a horrible shift. What was to be an 8 hour shift turned into 12 hours, then 24 hours.

He saw pure hell, and days like this makes him hate his job. Text messages to his wife, Lori, went back and forth.

"Another emergency. Gonna be late. Bad day. I love you."

"Okay."

"Full moon tonight…lots of shit going down. Another emergency. Shit day. I love you."

"Fine."

"Think of the overtime…it will help with the bills."

No response.

During the shift from hell, he called her cell a few times, and got no answer. He tried the home phone, no answer.

It was 8pm, the first time he was in his driveway in twenty four hours. He was dying to eat a home cooked dinner, take a shower, spend time with his family, and go to bed. He opened the door, and the house was quiet. No scent of a home cooked dinner. No Carl. Lori was sitting on the sofa, flipping through the tv channels. He walked over to her, bent down and wanted to give her a kiss on the mouth, only to have her turn her head. His lips handed on her ear.

"Good to be home….where's Carl?"

"At Dwayne's. He's having a sleepover.

"How've you been?"

"Fine."

…..silence…..

"Well, work was busy. Good to be home."

"Yep."

"Any dinner ready?"

"No."

"You okay?"

"No."

"What's wrong?"

"Sit down, Rick. We need to talk."

"Lori…what's wrong. Are you okay?"

"Fine. Just sick of all this."

"All this what?"

"I haven't seen you in a day."

"Yea…I've been working."

"Not just that…the other day. The other morning. I was telling you the other day that WE need to spend more time together, and I'm having problems with your job."

"Well, I'm here now." He offered up a smile.

"And you just nod your head, keeping it all in."

"Keeping what all in?"

"This is what I'm talking about!" She got up and threw the remote control across the room.

"Lori, what's going on?"

"NOTHING! You never talk to me! You never talk about your day! You never tell me how you feel about yourself or what you're feeling!"

"Lori, please, please not this again."

"Yes, this again. I feel like I'm married to a statue. You NEVER talk to me!"

"We talk…..what do you want me to say?"

"I want you to show me passion. Emotions. Anything. But you're so God damn reasonable and always think things through. It'd be nice to see something different. TALK TO ME!"

After years of this, Rick snapped.

"Okay. You want me to talk, I'll talk. It was a slow shift for the first seven hours. I thought I could get out early and surprise you. Then we got a domestic violence call. It turned out to be a triple murder suicide. Do you want me to talk about the woman who was stabbed twenty times in the back while she was trying to shield and protect her kids from her drunk husband? What about the kids? The three year old who was stabbed ten times in the chest or the four month old who was gutted? Then the man slit his own throat. Do you want to talk about all the blood? And after that Shane and I responded to a major car accident. Three cars, all on fire. It started with a teenager who was texting and driving. Ten people dead. Shane and I tried to use the fire extinguishers and help, and I opened the door to try to get one of the drivers out. I was pulled back by the fire department. One of the vehicles was a minivan and T-boned. There was a baby in a car seat, which was ejected from the van. It landed thirty feet away. The baby landed head first. Do you want to talk about the infant's brain matter all over the road? How about the smell of burning bodies"

Lori tried to stop him. "Rick…."

"Shut the fuck up. After those two back to back ordeals I get a call for a shooting at a shopping mall. Did you see that on the news?"

She just nodded her head, unable to speak.

"When I heard that call I WANTED to go there, because I know you always like to shop there. I was in a panic thinking YOU would be one of the thirty people who were shot. Twenty people dead. Including seven children under five. I went by myself, to clear the other stores, yelling YOUR name. Because I love you and didn't want to see you dead. I was praying you were safe. I called your cell phone, then home. No answer. Do you have any idea what was going through my mind? I thought I'd see my wife dead, and that scared the shit out of me. And you talk about my JOB? My JOB is what keeps a roof over our head. My JOB keeps food in the house. My JOB lets you stay home so you don't have to work. And as a cop I'm always one of the first responders when someone gets murdered, raped, shot, a car accident, a burning house, or kidnapped. And for all that I get shit for pay, get called a "pig" and have to watch my back so I don't get shot by some psycho who thinks that because I'm white and I'm a cop I'll shoot the first black kid I see. And I do it so I can come home to my loving family, hopefully get a kiss when I was through the door, and a 'how was your day.' And maybe, just maybe, I'll get a home cooked dinner and be able to relax with my wife and son. Leon Bassett. After his shift went to a bar to get drunk. Shane went to a known prostitute because he needed to get laid and maybe some emotional support. Obviously more emotional support I'm getting here. I don't turn to booze, I don't turn to another woman…never have. I wanted to come home to my family. And I come home to a wife who wants to talk about some Dr. Phil bullshit about talking about my feelings. You want me to talk about my feelings? Today was shit. Pure shit. I started my say with you saying that you think I don't care about you or Carl anymore. Then it was easy for a while, and I was thinking about planning a trip. Just you and me. Maybe Myrtle Beach. For a few days until we get back to the way we used to be. Happy. Then the day turned to shit, you barely responded to my texts and didn't answer the phone when I called. I had a shit day. One of the worst days I've had on the job. There you go. Those are my feelings. Loud and clear." He had tears running down his face. So did she.

He headed towards the door, and Lori ran over to stop him.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find a place to eat dinner. Maybe some friendly conversation. I've been on my fucking feet for twenty four fucking hours. I wanted to come home, eat dinner, take a hot shower, and spend time with you and Carl. That's not gonna happen tonight. I'll be back whenever."

He walked out of the door and slammed it behind him.

She opened it and yelled "Rick, please stay."

He ignored her and got back into his cruiser. He went to an all-night diner in another county. He was welcomed by a very friendly and pretty waitress, who led him to his table.

"Long day, officer?"

"You wouldn't believe it."

"What can I get you to eat?"

"I'm starving. What's your favorite?"

"The burger and fries is always good."

"Sounds good to me."

"Anything to drink?"

"Just water please."

He got a text message from Lori, "I'm sorry. Please come home." He hit the ignore button.

She was nice, and cute. He watched her walk away. The diner was almost empty, so he offered her to sit with him while he ate. She did so, and he talked about his day, his job, and eventually his home life.

"Oh, I knew it. It was too good to be true. You're married, aren't you?"

He sighed. "Yep."

"Happily?"

"Not tonight."

"Sorry."

"Thanks. What about you?"

"Nope. I served my time. Got a baby girl out of it, but very happily divorced."

Another text from Lori "Baby, please. Please come home. I'm sorry. Let's work on us."

They talked for about two hours, until the manager came over and told reminded her that shift was over. The manager smiled at Rick, who was still in uniform, and said that cops' don't pay here. The meal is on the house. He thanked her, and slipped the waitress a twenty.

"Whoa…..thanks."

"Thanks for your time. Take care of that baby girl of yours."

She stood up, and he offered to walk her to her car.

They stood by her car, talking. Rick felt a spark, but knew he didn't want to mess up his marriage.

"I…uh….I should go. My wife and I had a big fight and I left, but I should get back. My son…"

"I understand. I should get going too."

The sexual tension was so thick. Rick used his hat to cover his erection.

He opened the driver's door for her, and she slipped in.

"I'll see you again?"

He thought about Lori and Carl. "Maybe."

"Would I get arrested if I ask for a kiss?"

Rick smiled, and bent down. He gently brushed her lips with his, and then she grabbed him and kissed him harder. Their tongues danced as they kissed. He kept his hands on the door and roof of the car as she unzipped his fly, fished his dick out of his boxers, and took him in her mouth. She slowly licked him up and down his shaft, and sucked on his tip. He was so close. He thought of his family, and backed away.

"My apartment is two miles away."

Another text from his wife; "Rick, please. I love you. Please come home."

He thought about it…..they didn't even know each other's names, and he was very tempted. One night of nameless sex. He looked at her body and wanted to eat her pussy. He wanted to feel her mouth around his cock again. He wanted to fuck her. Again and again.

He took a deep breath, and said….."I….I can't. My son."

She agreed.

"I understand."

"I'm Rick."

"Amber."

"Very nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too. Maybe next time you can come to my apartment."

"Maybe."

He bent down to give her another kiss, and she shoved her tongue in his mouth.

He smiled and shut the door. He got back to his own car, and drove away.

He drove home in silence, thinking about Amber. Thinking about how nice she was, how young, how pretty. When he got home it was close to one in the morning. He walked into the house, and saw the tv was still on. Lori fell asleep watching tv, and he could tell she had been crying. She had over a dozen uses tissues near her, and her face was streaked with tears. He covered her with a blanket, turned off the tv, and went upstairs to take a hot shower. He thought about Amber, her lips, her hand and mouth on his dick. He jerked himself off, saying a small "ah…fuck" when he came. When he got into the bed he shares with Lori he thought about his 24 hour day, their fight, and Amber. Amber's ass, what it would be like to see her naked. What their sex would be like. He thought of fucking her from behind, and trying every position he never tried with Lori. Lori, his wife. He shouldn't be thinking like this. He was lying in the bed he shares with his wife. He never cheated on Lori. Two kisses and half a blowjob isn't cheating, right?

He knew where she worked.

Maybe.


	2. Regrets

Lori woke up at 3 am. She replayed the conversation they had last night. She knew he was home…she didn't remember grabbing a blanket when she lay on the couch, and one was covering her now. The dozens of tissues she used when she cried for hours were gone. She knew it was Rick. He cleaned up after her and made sure she was warm. Even after she was a total bitch to him, he still took care of her.

She thought about their life together. His father was over-bearing, and always told him "men don't cry." She thought about the mall shooting, and how much he said he panicked. She ignored the phone calls because she was annoyed that he was gone for so long. He was scared that he would find her dead. Even during the heat of the moment, he still said how he felt about her and that he loved her. She thought about what cops go through. All the crap in the news, and cops getting killed for no reason. They protect people who don't want them around.

She thought about what cops see. They are the first to respond to a crisis, just like Rick said. She remembered that horrible night…her parents and sister were driving to visit them. Carl was looking forward to seeing his nana and papa and Auntie Kate. She had just finished baking her mom's favorite apple pie, and had just taken it out of the oven when Rick and Shane came through the door. She was surprised, until she noticed that Rick's eyes were red and he had been crying. He took her by the hand, and led her to the couch. He held her hand, and said "There's been an accident." Some dumb ass teenager who was drunk and texting went right through the stop sign and T-boned the car her parents and sister were in. All three were killed immediately. Her mother was decapitated. Her father had massive trauma, and her sister was crushed. He was gentle as he could be, leaving out the details that he saw. He held her as she sobbed uncontrollably. She was a grown woman who was saying "I want my mom." He held her all night long, and Shane stayed over to help with Carl. Rick was her rock during the next few weeks. He made the arrangements, called family members, placed the notice in the paper. He did everything. Since he was the first responding officer he had access to the autopsy reports, and kept them away from her. She read in the newspaper about her mom. She was broken, it took months to get over it. It happened four years ago, and she still gets teary on Mother's Day, Father's Day, and major holidays. He KNEW. He understood.

Rick was never one to wear his heart on his sleeve. When he did cry over something he cried for ever. Stuff he saw on the job, general stress, anxiety over keeping his family safe in a crazy world. She knew she had it good with him. He is a good man. He is always gentle, tender, and has said many times that he would take a bullet for his family. She felt like such an ass for wanting him to "show more emotions." He's right…just Dr. Phil bullshit. She knows he loves her. She feels like the safest place in the world is in his arms. Fuck, what the hell did she do last night?

She heard Rick snoring from downstairs. She went up to the bedroom, and got undressed. She slipped under the covers. She saw he was dressed in just his boxers. She snuggled up to him, and even though he was sound asleep he rolled over and put his arm around her. She wanted to cry over how she acted and how he still loves her. She lay awake until he woke up. She hoped she didn't fuck up her marriage.

He opened his eyes and was surprised to see her there. She said "morning." And he responded with a "Good morning."

They lay in silence.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"Me too."

"I want to forget about it, and be happy again. I'm sorry I've been such a bitch. I had no idea how much it affects you. I won't force you to talk, unless you want to. I'm so, so, sorry."

"It's okay. I meant what I said….I was scared out of my mind at the mall, thinking I would find you dead. The thought of losing you kills me."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"Me too."

They looked into each other's eyes, and kissed. Each kiss got deeper and deeper. He rolled on top of her, and separated her legs with his knees. He sat up on his knees and pulled her panties off. She pulled off her shirt, and sat up to pull down his boxers, freeing his erection. He slid into her hard. She winced at first, then started to ride him in the familiar rhythm they developed over the past thirteen years of marriage. He rode her hard. In his mind, she was Amber. She was surprised to feel how rough he was getting. He pulled out and flipped her over, and shoved in rough from behind. He pounded into her for over twenty minutes. He came forcefully, exploding deep inside her. She was panting, out of breath.

"Oh my God, that was amazing."

"I'm not done."

She rolled onto her back, and he grabbed her legs and put them over his shoulders. Her knees were at his ears. He put his mouth over her lips, licking up her wetness from her orgasm. He darted his tongue in and out, making her come over and over. He was thinking of Amber the entire time. He wondered what she tastes like. Part of him wishes he went home with her. He was hard again, and after she came strongly he wanted her to suck him off.

He laid on his back, legs spread wide. She laid on her belly, and took him in her mouth. She cupped his balls, and bobbed her head up and down. He closed his eyes and thought of Amber. God, he really wanted to fuck her. When he was close he sat up and pulled Lori close. She sat on his lap, facing him. He thrusted his entire length into her. She moaned loudly from the orgasm, and lost count of how many time she came. She rocked her hips, and he told her to look him in the eye. He wanted to see her expression when she came. He put one hand on the mattress to steady himself, he thrusted harder and harder, while she slid up and down on his cock. He smiled when he saw her eyes roll back, and he came strongly, the second time inside of her.

They both laid on the bed, holding onto each other, sweaty, and exhausted.

"We gotta do this again." She laughed. "That was fucking amazing."

"I have the day off. See you in an hour?"

She laughed, and heard Carl come home. It was almost 7, and he had to get to school. She quickly got dressed and grabbed her bathrobe. She shut the bedroom door. She went down to see him and fix him breakfast. He laid there, thinking about Amber. Her sweet mouth. Her offer. Then he thought about Lori and Carl. He couldn't do that. He felt guilty for even thinking about it. He was a married man. His family meant everything to him. He thought about what would happen if they split. Carl growing up in a broken home. Lori. God, Lori. He thought of the panic he felt at the mall. He loved her. He really did. When things were going well between them, they were really going well. Last night was needed. He needed to get those thoughts and emotions out. Last night was just temptation. He tried to stop thinking about Amber. He got out of bed, and laughed when he saw the fresh come stains. He took a quick shower, dressed in a tee shirt and sweatpants, and went downstairs to his family.


	3. The ride along

Over the next few weeks and months things have gotten much better with Rick and Lori. She was more understanding of what he went through, and did what she hadn't done in years; welcomed him home with a hug and a kiss, asking how his day was. He became more open, talking about stuff he saw that bugged him. She would roll over in bed at night and see him sitting up, just staring at the wall. She would ask if it was something he saw at work, and he would nod his head. She would take him in her arms, and lie down with him. Sometimes he cried, sometimes they just held each other. Their sex life was just like it was when they got married. She told him what she liked, he told her what he liked. One day, after Carl went to school and Rick had the day off, they Googled Karma Sutra positions, and tried them out all over the house. On the bed, couch, kitchen counter, in the shower and on the stairs. They fucked everywhere. He made sure she came every time. He would get worn out, but she would do certain things that would make him hard again.

He forgot all about Amber. She was a mistake. He told nobody. It was like his marriage with Lori was brand new. He loved her, and wanted HER. Nobody else.

She would wake him up most days by giving him a blowjob. He would come deeply in her mouth, she would swallow, wipe her mouth and say "good morning."

He was on duty one day, talking to Shane. Things have changed at home, and for the better. Shane noticed the change in Rick's demeanor, and noticed he was happier. He also suggested he cover up a hickey on his neck. Shane mentioned an idea that Lori come with them on a ride along. They did it all the time for high school kids who wanted to be cops, and friends of neighbors. He said that if she really wanted to see what a day in the life of a cop is like, she should do it. He joked that he'd turn off the camera and pull over for them to have fun in the backseat.

"Oh, I did that so many times for you in college…..pretending I wasn't looking. You two would go at it like wild animals. I remember that tattoo…"

"I would appreciate it if you don't have that image of my wife's ass in your mind."

"Too late, bro. Damn you got it good. We were roommates in college, remember. All those times I pretended to be asleep and seeing the two of you, seeing her…."

"Alright, I think this conversation is over." Rick said, part joking, part frustration.

A few weeks later, Lori dropped off Carl at Dwayne's and went on an overnight ride along with Rick and Shane.

Shane offered for her to ride in the front seat, next to Rick. He sat in the back.

The first few hours were mostly quiet; a few speeders, a few drunk drivers, and Rick told Lori to stay in the car each time. She watched as they both slowly approached the car, standing behind the driver. Rick was talking to the driver, his hand on his Colt Python. Her heart was in her throat, thinking that she could see her husband shot right in front of her.

When they were back on the road a call came in for a stabbing. The only information they had was a woman was stabbed and was in a residential garage. They drove to the address, and were first on scene. Rick told Lori to stay in the car. The garage door was shut, but they could hear the woman crying for help. Shane went to the side door and kicked it open, and then pulled open the garage door. He flipped on the light, and they were both in shock. A woman was stabbed multiple times, and her stomach was cut open. She kept saying "my baby….my baby."

"Miss, what baby?" Rick asked

"He took my baby."

Shane told the ambulance to rush, and Lori found herself out of the car, watching everything. Rick didn't notice she was standing there. There was blood everywhere. Some of her internal organs were sliding out of her body. Shane ran up with the cruiser's first aid kit, and they both put on gloves and tried to stop the bleeding. The ambulance and other squad cars finally got there. They took the woman away. Rick saw Lori standing by the side of the main door and said he wanted her to stay in the car.

"What happened to her?" She asked.

"Her ex didn't want her to have custody of the baby, so he knocked her out and did a C-section with a hunting knife. When she woke up he stabbed her. We don't know where the baby is. She was eight months along."

"Oh God."

"Yea. I have to follow this up at the hospital. Do you want me to drop you off at home?"

She looked over and saw Shane vomiting around the corner of the house.

"No, I want to stay with you."

"Its paperwork and telling the medical staff what happened."

"It's okay. I want to stay."

"Are you okay?"

"Yea."

He pulled her in for a quick hug, and Shane got back to the car.

"Let's go." Rick said

She was sitting in one of the hallway chairs in the Emergency Department, watching as Rick and Shane filled out paperwork. It was 4:00 in the morning, and she was tired. She kept thinking about that poor woman.

There was a commotion when a man brought in a small baby, saying she stopped breathing. As the ER staff, Rick and Shane asked questions, they found out that this was the man who cut open the woman who is still in surgery, and the baby was taken from her mother. Lori was frozen. It was like a movie playing out right before her. Everyone was standing to her left, about twenty feet away. As Rick tried to restrain the man and bring him in for custody, he kicked Rick away, and was tackled by Leon Bassett and Shane. They were right in front of Lori. As Shane was trying to get handcuffs on the strong, burly man, the man got the hunting knife out of his pocket and slashed Shane across the neck. Shane bled everywhere, immediately. He got blood all over Lori. The man tried to run, and was stopped by two other officers, guns drawn. Nurses rushed over to treat Shane. Leon and Rick stood on the other side, weapons drawn. They had the man cornered. Rick reached for Lori's arm, pulled her out of the chair and shoved her around the corner, away from the confrontation.

"Drop the knife!" they were all yelling.

Doctors lifted Shane's limp body and put him on a gurney, and wheeled him away.

Lori head a clang as the knife hit the floor, but then heard " ..pop.."

The man pulled out a gun and shot Leon in the head, and Rick and the other two officers returned fire. Rick was shot in the chest, a result of the other officers trying to shoot at the man. Lori screamed as Rick crumpled in front of her, and ran to him immediately.

Rick's vest stopped the bullet, but he hit his head when he fell to the floor. He was conscious, and not bleeding from his chest. Lori ripped open his shirt and saw the bullet in the vest. She put her hand under the vest, and didn't feel any blood. She cried with relief. The man was dead.

"Baby, you're okay….you're okay."

He nodded and grabbed onto her. It took him a while to say that he just had the wind knocked out of him. "I love you, Lori. I've always loved you. Please know that. I love you so much."

She had tears streaming down her face. "I love you baby. You're okay."

Doctors came over and lifted Rick onto a gurney. Lori refused to leave his side. He was taken for a chest X-ray and head scan. Lori called Jenny, and told her what happened. It's going to be a while before they get home.

Hours later Rick wanted to leave. He had a mild concussion, and a bruise on his chest. Shane was dead. Leon was dead. The baby was dead. The woman was still in surgery. Rick's boss came by to get the information and witness statements, since it was an officer involved shooting. Rick was cleared and his boss said it was a "good shoot," and the doctors gave him the okay to go home. Lori was given medication for anxiety, since she witnessed the entire event.

They went home, grateful for the note that Jenny left saying she'll take Carl to school.

Lori started the water for the shower. She peeled off her clothes, still wet with Shane's blood. When the water was hot enough she got in, and started crying. Rick joined her, and they held each other, crying. They washed up, and got out. They had just towels on and went into the bedroom. Rick put on a pair of boxers and took two Motrin, then got into bed. He watched as Lori put on a bra, one of his tee-shirts, and her favorite sweatpants. He called her over, and they both laid together. After a long time Rick said "It's not always that bad."

"I'm so sorry."

"Shane….."

"I'm sorry. Baby, I'm so sorry."

He covered his face and started to cry. "I'm sorry you had to see all that."

"It's okay. I'm sorry."

"I just want to sleep right now. There is nobody to call for Shane. His parents are both dead, no siblings."

"I'll get you some ice for your chest."

"Thanks baby."

She was still shaking as she went downstairs. She thought Rick was dying, and his first words to her was that he loved her. She thought of Shane, bleeding to death. No family to mourn him. She thought of that poor woman, being ripped open and her baby taken from her. She filled a bag with ice, and wrapped a towel around it. She heard faint snoring when she was walking upstairs. She got to the bedroom, and he was asleep. He didn't have many blankets on, so she covered him up, put the ice on his chest, and gave him a kiss on the lips.

She went back downstairs, and that's when her tears came. Thinking of what cops see. Thinking of the shit she put Rick through. Thinking of him keeping all the emotions bottled up. She wouldn't want to talk about what she saw. No wonder he didn't like to talk about his day. Fuck….. She kept thinking about him telling her that he loves her. When she thought he was dying, he loves her. The mall….when he was running around looking for her. She's got a good man, and wants to keep him happy. She needs to change a shit load of stuff.


	4. Shane

It was the day of Shane's funeral. Memorial service was more like it. He was cremated, according to his wishes in his will. Rick wanted to keep the urn. They were basically brothers, after all. Leon's funeral was the next day. They thought it would be best for Carl to attend school, rather than be at such emotional events. Both days Lori sat with the other cops' wives and families, and Rick was in full formal uniform standing in formation. She watched him closely at Shane's funeral, he was standing as commanded, but had tears running down his face.

Shane had very few people show up at his funeral. Some neighbors, a few friends, but no family. Maybe ten people were there. Other than that, nobody. Nobody to grieve his death.

In Shane's will he left everything to Rick. He wanted his pension transferred to Rick's account, and all other money and material items he had given to the Grimes family. He wanted his life insurance to go to Carl's college education. He had a small apartment, and his landlord wanted everything moved out by the end of the month, three days away.

Rick and Lori went to his place. It was typical Shane. Empty beer bottles, stacks of porn magazines, his bed was unmade and a woman's thong was on one of the pillows. They agreed to take furniture they would use, and donate everything else to Goodwill. They started the process of going through what he had. They took several guns, all his food, and kitchen items. Rick took some of his clothes, they stripped his bed, joking they'll wash the sheets before putting them in the guest bedroom. There wasn't much left. They went through dresser drawers, found boxes and boxes of condoms in the nightstand, lots of lube, and sex toys. Lori grabbed a trash bag and they threw out the magazines, beer cans, and other….personal items. It didn't take long, and the place was empty. Goodwill would be there within an hour to get the furniture and clothes they didn't want.

Rick took a few items that belonged to Shane's dad. In the one bookcase Rick found some more porn magazines, and two photo albums. He sat on the sofa and started looking through them. Pictures of Shane as a baby, being held by his mom. More kid pictures, and lots of pictures of a young Rick and a young Shane. Both in their little league outfits, dressed up as Batman and Robin for Halloween, school days, heading off to college, and lots of pictures he took of them at their wedding, and him holding Carl. Lori sat on the sofa next to Rick, and rubbed his back. He had tears in his eyes, then started crying, before starting the deep, ugly sobs. Lori held him as he cried. She was crying too, but wanted to be strong for Rick.

Goodwill came, and took all the furniture, dishes, glasses, and a few bags of clothes. Rick and Lori brought everything they were taking to their car. Soon, the apartment was empty. Rick took one last look around, made sure nothing was left, and shut the door. He gave the keys to the landlord, and got in the car with Lori to drive home. They brought in the boxes and other stuff, and soon Carl's school bus dropped him off at home. Rick tried to keep the conversation going during dinner, for Carl's sake. He knew that Uncle Shane went to heaven. He was only eight, and didn't need to know any more details. "So he's with nana, papa, Auntie Kate, Uncle Jeff, Gramma and Granpa?"

"Yea," said Lori, her voice quivering.

"Okay. Can I go watch tv?"

"Sure sweetie."

Carl left the table, and Rick almost folded to the ground. Shane was an only child. Carl is an only child. Rick was raised with a brother, but he committed suicide a few years ago. Lori's family died in a car accident. They are all each other has. Lori helped him up, and led him upstairs. She gave him two of her Xanax, which she got after the incident at the hospital.

Lori helped Carl with his homework, had him take a shower, and put him to bed. She gave him a kiss on the forehead and said "Goodnight, my sweet boy. I love you."

"I love you too mom. I'm sorry about Uncle Shane."

"Thanks sweetie. Try to get some sleep."

She shut his door and went to check on Rick. He was almost asleep, but still crying. She sat on the edge of the bed and held his hand as he fell asleep. She went back downstairs. She finished cleaning up after dinner, and locked up the house. She started going through the boxes from Shane's apartment. She put the clothes Rick took in a pile to be washed, got out the framed pictures he had of him and Rick, and put some them on the mantle above the fireplace. Rick already took care of the guns…they were hidden, along with some others, around the house in Rick's insistence to keep his family safe. She went to the basement and got two new and empty picture frames. She went through the photo albums, and took out the one of the two in their little league outfits, and one taken on the day she and Rick got married...just the two of them. She quietly went into the bedroom, and heard Rick snoring. She went to his dresser, which Rick always kept tidy. He cleared most of the things off, and had Shane's urn sitting right in the middle. She put the framed pictures, one on each side, next to the urn. She put his badge, which Rick kept, in front of it. Hopefully Rick would like that.

It was close to midnight, and she was no way close to tired. She added Shane's photo albums to the collection of their own, on a bookshelf in the living room. She emptied all of the boxes, put his stuff and things around the house, and broke down the boxes to put them in the trash. She thought "that's it. That's all that was left of Shane. It was almost as if he never existed.

She went back to the bookshelf and took his albums, wanting to look through them. Lots of pictures of Shane and his parents, Shane and Rick, and college pictures. She smiled when she saw the pictures of Shane and Rick playing football, the pictures Shane must have taken of Rick; holding up a bottle of booze, and when she turned the page she saw the first picture of Rick with herself. They met in college, and it was love at first sight. She remembered when most of them were taken. Shane surprised them one morning when they were both still in bed, she saw a picture of one taken at a party. She was sitting in Rick's lap, they were both laughing, and he had his arms around her waist, looking at her with adoration and pure love in his eyes. Some pictures she didn't remember being taken. One night at a party she got drunk, and there was one picture of a very sober Rick, who had a protective arm around her. One picture was taken of the two of them asleep in Rick's dorm bed, her back to his bare chest, his arm wrapped around her, holding her tightly. The same way they still sleep to this day. Other pictures leading up to their wedding, cookouts at their house, and Carl as a baby, Carl as a toddler, Carl as a preschooler. She realized that one entire photo album was made up of pictures of just her and Rick.

There was an envelope taped to the last page. It simply said "Rick" and was sealed. She felt the envelope, and it seemed to be just paper. She put it aside and was going to give it to Rick in the morning, which was not that far away. She didn't realize it was almost four am. She looked around and saw that everything was cleared. All the boxes were empty, and there was nothing else to go through. She put both albums back, and was about to go upstairs when she heard Rick come downstairs. His eyes were red from crying. When he got downstairs he scooped her into a hug, saying he saw what she did with the pictures. It's beautiful. Thank you. He told her how much he loves her. She told him she loves him.

"Have you been up all night?"

"Yea, I went through all the boxes and put away everything."

She took him by the hand and led him to the couch. She took out the album that was just of the two of them, and gave it to him. She also handed him the envelope. She kissed him, then went into the kitchen to make coffee. She went to the bathroom, and when she came out she saw Rick reading the letter, while wiping tears away. She didn't approach him….she knew he needed time to himself. She started a load of laundry, all Shane's clothes.

She sat down next to Rick, and rubbed his back. He missed his friend. She pulled him in for a hug and he grabbed onto her tightly. He sobbed, and she rubbed his back and the back of his head. When he calmed down he wanted her to read the letter Shane wrote for him. He needed coffee, and went to the kitchen. She took the letter, and started reading it. It was dated just a few weeks ago.

"Hey Rick,

If you're reading this it means I'm dead. That sucks. Hi Lori. I knew you would grab the photo albums and find this letter. That's why I put it there.

Rick, thank you for being my brother. It sucks being an only child, and you were my best friend. Best friend from childhood, through grade school, high school, roommates in college, and partners on the force. Two peas in a pod. That's what my mom would always say.

I know I made a name for myself with the ladies, but the biggest mistake I ever made was not finding a woman like Lori and settling down. She is one of a kind, and you really have it made. I would joke around with you about different girls I met, but I knew I couldn't do that forever. At age 34 it's okay, but 44, 54, etc.… it gets creepy. I needed stability. Thank you for making me Carl's godfather. He's my nephew, even though he's not my blood. I'll admit I was jealous of your life. I wanted to have someone to come home to after a long day at work. I wanted someone to grow old with. I wanted a family of my own. If I could do it all over again, I'd smarten up and would have gotten married. I know you guys had bumps in the road, but I know you two love each other. Roommates in college….remember? I know you two LOVE each other. Ha. Lori – I've known Rick since we were kids, and I've never seen him as happy as he is with you. He really loves you. Whatever petty shit there is, get over it. Life is too short, and you won't have your life forever.

Take care of my nephew. Please let him know that his first year of college is paid for.

Take care of each other. Overlook the stupid shit, and be happy. Think back to how you were in college. It doesn't matter if you married young. I know you still love each other. That's all that counts. If you don't I'll haunt you. Ha.

Thank you for making me part of your family.

Enough of the sappy shit.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

I love you guys,

Shane


	5. Putting it back together

It was about a week after Shane's funeral.

Rick was still on leave, as per department policy. Lori was doing whatever she could to help him through his grief. He did his best to be strong in front of Carl, and would put on a brave face, since his dad always told him "men don't cry." When he was alone and watching tv, however, there would be a story about another police officer shot in the line of duty. Different news "specialists" would give their take on "Police Lives Matter," and asked if there is a "war on cops." Lori would see him sitting on the sofa, watching the news coverage. She would sit with him, and see that he wasn't saying anything, but had tears running down his face. She would fold him into a hug, and he would sob for an hour on her shoulder. She would rub the back of his head and hold him tightly, saying "I love you, baby." She couldn't say "it will be okay," because it wouldn't. She missed Shane too. She missed how happy Rick was when they were together. She missed seeing her husband happy.

They talked about what happened in the past. She said the reason she was so upset with his job was that she was terrified that he wouldn't come home. And the more time he spent with his job, the more likely that would happen. That's why she got so mad. She knew he worked hard to support his family, and she thanked him for that. She said it would be one thing if he was a "pencil pusher" at a desk job, but he's dealing with people who could kill him. She apologized for not being there to support him emotionally, but promised that she will never go back to that.

A few nights later, after she tucked Carl into bed, she got into bed with Rick. They hugged for a while, and he said he wanted to talk to her about something.

"Baby, I was thinking. We are both the only people left from our families. If anything happened to one or both of us, what would happen to Carl? He doesn't have any cousins, aunts or uncles. It worries me to think of him being alone. I have two cousins I haven't seen in ages, and both of your parents were only kids. I was thinking that just neighbors and a handful of friends showed up for Shane's service. I feel lonely at times, not having nephews or nieces I can spoil. I'm scared for Carl. He's only eight years old. I don't want him to feel lonely. To think that you're the last person left in your family, is terrifying. I feel that, and I don't want him to."

Lori was wiping away tears. "I feel the same way. No parents, no siblings."

"Baby, you're gonna think I'm crazy, but what would you think about having another child? Someone to give Carl what we don't have….an extended family?"

He was worried when she didn't answer, but when he put his arm around her she was crying. He asked her what was wrong, and she slowly choked out that she was thinking the same thing.

She said that she wants to have maybe two more, and wants to do it before they turn 35, and they're both 32 now. He smiled, and rubbed her back. He asked her if she was okay, and she said yes. She said that they better not waste any more time, with a smile. They started kissing, their bodies entwined. She whispered in his ear "fuck me like you did after we had that fight." He remembered that night, and remembered the girl from the diner, but forgot her name. He was in bed with his wife. "To have and to hold, to love, honor and cherish." He loved her so much. When she hurt he hurt. Lori is the love of his life, no question about that. He rolled over on top of her, and she had already taken her shirt off. He kissed her deeply, and she spread her legs wide for him. He knelt back on his knees, and took her panties off. She reached up and tugged down his boxers. He was so hard it hurt. She reached down and grabbed his engorged cock, and separated her lips. He slammed into her. She let out a small yelp, but then moved to his rhythm. She wrapped her legs around his torso, and let him ride her for twenty minutes. He rolled over and she got on top. He bent his knees, and could tell she loved this new position. She would lean back against his knees and he would rub her clit. He snaked his arm up her back and pulled her down for a deep kiss. She buckled a few times, letting the feel of her orgasms envelope her. He said he was gonna come. He rolled back on top of her and pounded into her. When he came, he never felt such a strong orgasm. He felt like he was unloading years' worth of come into her. They both lay there, sweaty and exhausted. She remembered what her friend Paula had to do when she was trying to conceive…raise your knees and lie on your back after sex. When he rolled off of her she did just that, and told him about Paula. He laughed and said that maybe her hips need to be higher. He got between her legs, and put one of her legs on each of his shoulders. Maybe she should lie like this. Maybe if she came again a few times, his come would do the job. She knew what he meant, and laughed. He chuckled as he put his mouth over her lips, licking her wetness and darting his tongue in and out. He sucked on her clit, and smiled when she had to put a pillow over her face to avoid screaming. He could feel her come. He loved to see her squirm under him. He kept licking her until he was hard again, then lowered her hips and slid in. Their night together was endless, just like when they were newlyweds.

TWO MONTHS LATER

Lori would sometimes barely make it to the toilet to vomit up her breakfast. Rick would always be with her, rubbing her back and holding her hair. He would always go with her to her OB/GYN appointments. Her pregnancy was going very well, and although the doctor said she was doing fine, whenever Rick had a day off he insisted she rest. He joked that he would handcuff her to the bed. She would say "after the baby is born."

When they would go to bed, he would kiss her on the mouth, and then lean down to her growing belly and kiss it. As the months went on he became a nervous daddy, and had tears in his eyes when he felt the baby move. When the big day arrived, they dropped Carl off with Jenny and Morgan Jones, good neighbors with a son Carl's age. Delivery went smoothly, and the doctor said "congratulations, you have a daughter!" They cried tears of joy as they held each other. They decided to name her after their mothers, Judith Anne Grimes.

TWO YEARS LATER

Rick came home from a long day at work, to be greeted by his little girl, wobbly but running and yelling "Dadeee!" Lori would give him a kiss, and he would hiss her and then bend down to kiss her belly. "Hello to you in there….daddy's home." Carl got to the point when he wanted a fist pump rather than a hug. They would spend the evening as a family, no Ipads, no cell phones, and only tv on a rare occasion.

In bed that night he would rub a 7 months pregnant Lori's back, knowing that she was uncomfortable. He would often think back to that night, years ago, when he almost made the biggest mistake of his life. He hated that version of himself. He thought that he was a jackass, not being there for his wife. His WIFE. He loved her so much. What once was a marriage circling the drain was now a bullet proof union. He would wrap her in his arms at night, and always told her he loved her. She would always say she loved him. No matter what, she loved him. She was a new person too. She was more loving, and understanding when he had a bad day. A year after they welcomed their second daughter, Elizabeth Margaret Grimes, they had their "surprise" baby, born just a year later. Another son, Richard Shane Grimes.

Family life was hectic, but Rick had to admit that he loved every second of it. He would stop by the house unannounced and bring Lori the pink roses she loves. While he was there he became an expert on changing a diaper or warming a bottle to help her. He got a promotion, not only did the additional money help, he was put on a 9-5, Monday to Friday schedule. Lori was elated. No more night shifts.

One night, after he helped Carl with homework, and Lori with baths and lullabyes, they went to bed, both exhausted. They made love, tenderly, not like the rough, animal sex that created their three additional children. Lori fell asleep on his chest. Her head was on his chest, and her naked body was stretched out across his body. He was lying there, thinking of what their life was like years ago, and how they managed to put it back together.

He smiled as he drifted off to sleep, thinking about what a lucky son of a bitch he is.


End file.
